The good, the bad and the ugly of #plant14 for this farm widow.

How did planting go? A frequent question this time of year. From the farm perspective, it went surprisingly well. We got a late start because of the cold winter and spring. Once the soil was warm enough, they had some really solid stretches of time without rain to get everything in the ground.

Ben did some quick math and estimates that he alone planted 11 million seeds (not counting the fields his dad planted). It's a miracle to look out across a newly spouted field each spring and see all the little rows of life popping up, considering the precision required - specific spacing of the seeds, specific depth where the planter needs to adjust to different soil types like sand versus clay, continuing weather concerns like late freeze or pounding rain causes the soil to form a crust over the seeds.

That's the farm perspective. The farmer's wife perspective was different this spring.

Looking back, I was pretty depressed for much of this "spring widow" season. It's a common phrase among farmers that the wives are like widows in the spring and fall because they don't have their spouse around at all. It's a tongue-in-cheek term that doesn't intend to take away from the heartache of those who truly are widows. However, the term does have its own set of understanding and emotion that is real and valid for those who live it twice a year.

This was my 10th spring/fall "widow season," so it really blind-sighted me that it was the most difficult one to-date.

I thought I was used to it by now. Especially since I grew up on a farm, so understanding the craziness of fieldwork is sort of second nature. I enjoy being involved in all the craziness.

Being the spring widow is different though. This is a whole new experience to be the wife and mother of a crop farmer. And few people get it. I'm not trying to blame anyone or throw myself a pity party, it's just another part of the reality. At my core, I have profound respect my husband, our farm and our responsibility. At the surface, it sucks sometimes.

• It means my husband, who is my best friend and my rock, is gone for weeks at a time. He's gone, but yet so close. He's always within a couple miles of our house, but sometimes we go days without being able to talk to one another. Not even a text, because he has so much to do and focus on. There are certain types of fieldwork when he can talk and text, but he's taking on more of the "involved" fieldwork roles where there's a lot more going on and takes more concentration. 
• It means I am a single mother to our children for weeks at a time, which is really trying on my already-worn-out patience. The older Rose gets, the more I realize that it's also really hard on her too that she doesn't see her daddy, which can cause her to be really irritable. So whenever I hear people to talk about the danger of children to be in the tractor, I joke that it's probably more dangerous for them to be with their crabby mother! :) (Joking aside, farm safety is extremely important to us with our children.)
• It means I am the main caretaker of our farmhouse and five acres for weeks at a time, which is really daunting and tiring. So to our neighbors and anyone else who drives by or visits our house, please accept my apologies that it's far from a picturesque, perfectly kept-up farm house. If it bothers you, don't visit for 5-10 more years when I can get the kids to help out with the work more. There's only so much lawn care that a four-year-old and 9-month-old can do! 

 This spring had a few more added challenges:

1. This brutal winter meant everyone was celebrating the nice weather that much more. I admit that I was jealous of seeing and hearing about all their family time and was really frustrated that we didn't get to do those things as a family. 
2. The way the weather worked out this year, Ben ended up having to work every day for about four weeks straight. There's usually a couple weekends when he has a day off, which breaks everything up more. Just didn't work out like that this year. It put a damper on Mother's Day and Memorial Day weekend. 
3. We had some other transition going on at the same time, which meant for an extra difficult time for Rose. Her emotions were x10 for everything, which was really tough on me, especially without Ben as back-up. 

I'm still a spring widow for a couple more weeks, but things are on the upswing. Just coming to grips with everything helps a lot. And we've been really fortunate to take advantage of a couple impromptu date night opportunities.

Grateful for all the things that aligned for last night's much-needed impromptu date at Olive Garden. I was finished with working/attending the Wisconsin FFA Convention, the girls are still by my parents because the convention, and the fields were still too wet from Wednesday's rain. We even used a giftcard from Badgerland Financial that they gave us as appreciation for our land loan with them. 

I also found solace in these couple accounts of life as a farmwife: Farm Women: Dealing with the "Other Woman." and one more that I can't find now. If you have it, I'd be so grateful if you could share the link in the comments. I would appreciate being able to go back to it next time the going gets tough.

I just saw this song this morning. I dedicate it to God, my husband, and my best friend Jen, all of whom get me through it all. I am so grateful for their love.